'Chaos Walking' review: 'Children of Men' for dummies

Photo courtesy of Lionsgate

The new film “Chaos Walking” is a lot of things but the most important thing you should know about it is that it’s dumb. It is a big, dumb, movie. I’m sure it was made with the best intentions, as most movies are, but the end result we’re stuck with is far from a masterpiece. It’s based on a trilogy of young adult novels and if we’re grading “Chaos Walking” the movie in YA terms, it’s definitely more “Divergent” than “The Hunger Games.”

The road to adapting the “Chaos Walking” trilogy, or at least the first book, started in 2012 when names like Robert Zemeckis (“Forrest Gump”) and Charlie Kaufman (“I’m Thinking of Ending Things”) were attached to the project. The books are dense and difficult to adapt so after many assumed creative differences later, cameras finally rolled in 2017 with director Doug Liman (“The Bourne Identity”) calling the shots.

It’s hard not to get confused and think there’s something wrong with the movie as it begins and we’re thrust into the planet of New World. The year is 2257 A.D. and in the woodsy distance is young Todd Hewitt (“Spider-Man’s” Tom Holland). He’s muttering to himself but in concert with his speaking voice we also see small thought clouds pop up and reveal his private inner thoughts. This strange phenomenon has been dubbed “The Noise,” only affecting the men of New World, and according to the local town’s mayor (Mads Mikkelsen), is one of the main reasons why all women have been wiped out from existence. The mayor has also conveniently learned to control his noise in order to not reveal his thoughts to others, so he may not be the most trustworthy source of information.

But Todd is a curious young beet farmer (don’t ask). When he’s not looking after his two adoptive dads (Todd’s an orphan), he’s fantasizing about what most boys his age fantasize about, talking to a girl. Or in his case, any girl. Because even though the mayor says all females are extinct, he’s heard enough rumors on the contrary to peak his curiosity.

Destiny literally falls in his lap as a space crew from Earth crash lands in the woods near Todd’s western town and reveals the sole female survivor (Daisy Ridley from “Star Wars”). For Todd, it’s the first girl he’s ever seen and for the mayor it’s his ticket out of New World and a fresh start on Earth. It literally becomes a showdown of hormones vs. evil and the stakes couldn’t be dumber.

“Chaos Walking” plays like “Children of Men” for dummies. All of the complex and dystopian ideas of the latter have been excised for the most banal adaptation possible and it shows. After several years of this movie sitting on a shelf and trying to be saved in the editing room, you can almost see the creative team waving a white flag and moving on. There are worse movies than “Chaos Walking” but this one is a special kind of bad. This is the kind of bad that is frustrating to witness because there is so much potential on display and instead opts for the most lukewarm execution possible, resulting in, well, chaos.

Rating: C-

“Chaos Walking” is now playing in theaters.